Actor Dia Mirza recently opened up about navigating her bond with stepdaughter, Samaira Rekhi. Sharing a humorous memory from the early days of their relationship during a conversation with The Official People of India, Dia revealed how she never read fairy tales as a child, which was the reason behind her not villainising her stepfather in her mind.
She then spoke about her stepdaughter Samaira, adding, “Thank god I didn’t read fairy tales growing up. Because those would’ve created a whole different set of biases. Stepfathers, stepmothers are always evil. Which brings me to Samaira, who has saved my number on her phone as — ‘Dia, not yet the evil stepmother.’ That’s what fairy tales do, right? I wonder if she’s changed the description under my name.”
The actor then elaborated on her own experience of growing up with a stepfather, Ahmed Mirza, whom she lovingly called ‘abba’. She said, “I remember the last time I met him in Hyderabad before I went to an overseas shoot, during which time he passed away (in 2003). I’ll never forget the hug he gave me and the tears he had in his eyes as he said goodbye.” Despite his initially reserved nature, she remembered how she and her mother helped him become more expressive.
How early influences like fairy tales shape a child’s perception of step-parents
Sonal Khangarot, licensed rehabilitation counsellor and psychotherapist, The Answer Room, tells indianexpress.com, “Early childhood stories, especially fairy tales, can quietly but powerfully shape how children perceive step-parents. Classic tales like Cinderella, Snow White, or Hansel and Gretel often portray stepmothers as cruel or untrustworthy, embedding a subconscious bias. This is where classical conditioning, a concept introduced by Ivan Pavlov (behaviourist), comes in. Just as Pavlov’s dogs learned to associate a bell with food, children may begin to associate ‘step-parent’ with fear or abandonment, simply through repeated storytelling.”
In everyday life, she adds, this is reinforced through operant conditioning, “a framework developed by B.F. Skinner (pioneer of behaviour modification). If adults around a child reward or laugh at these portrayals, or if the media constantly paints step-parents in a negative light, those ideas get further cemented.”
Khangarot offers more insight: “Albert Bandura (social learning theorist), in his famous Bobo doll experiment, showed how children imitate behaviours they observe — especially from adults or media figures. Even without direct experience, if they repeatedly see a step-parent being cruel on screen, they’re likely to expect and even mimic those dynamics in real life.”
The same learning patterns apply to how children come to understand love and romance. Khangarot explains that fairy tales often reinforce the idea that love is earned through beauty, obedience, or being “rescued.” This, too, sets up unrealistic expectations, reinforced through reward-punishment cycles (Skinner) and romantic modeling (Bandura).
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Effective ways for step-parents to build trust and a positive bond with their stepchildren
“As a psychologist, I want to be honest: it’s not always easy, and it won’t always feel fair,” asserts Khangarot.
She mentions, “First, don’t force affection. Let the child set the pace. Be present, not performative. Consistency is your strongest currency — small, dependable gestures matter more than grand ones.”
Second, acknowledge the child’s emotional reality. You don’t have to “fix” how they feel. You just have to make room for it. That alone is powerful. Third, respect their bond with their biological parent. Encourage conversations about them—this shows you’re not competing, and removes the pressure from the child to choose sides.
“Finally, work on the adult relationship too — whether with the biological parent or other caregivers,” concludes Khangarot.
